"Im Just A Kid and Life Is A Nightmare"

- every time I hear that song I just think of the little boy from Cheaper By The Dozen running away from home // poor FedEx boy-

WARNING: this post is a ramble about my not so big problems (what are blogs for?)

so when you're younger its fun to brain storm of what you want to do when you're older. Elementary school you say things like "dreaming big ideas", middle school you get more practical, high school they tell you to think of something to do, college you probably know or youre totally lost, like me. For me it has been like wait what I should of known what I want to do for my life like years ago? NO ONE TOLD ME THAT!

ok fine maybe they did... and that's why I feel like I have been in a funk this November. Its been going on since like October really 

:: Confused on what career to pursue

:: Think of plans and they never follow through 

:: Just feel confused and a couple steps behind everyone

And yes this may be a writing just screaming "poor me" but with thinking about writing this I came to a clear conclusion. I have been so stressed sick to my stomach feeling for a while now and I have to admit I have mastered the "smile cause you dont want others feeling bad for you". I feel like all at one moment I have to decide what to do with my career. I have ideas, I go for them and they just fail on me. It leads to me just wanting to give up and just go the easy route. After getting into a dental school the money stopped me from going. Other schools have a huge waiting list and I would be at Saddleback for another year. Then I thought it would be awesome to go into Fashion and get a degree in Fashion Merchandise. Cool yah? Well after hearing countless people say well you will never get a job with that... Its like just WHAT UGH. 

So with going through that I have learned that I need to do a self check. 

::YES it is stressful

:: YES I have felt very alone

::BUT want to know the greatest YES?

As Christians we will go through trials YES. But we have a loving Heavenly Father that is always with us, even when we feel alone. YES YES YES. That no matter what YES HE has a great divine plane for you and will always provide. YES life isn't easy, its not suppose to be, but having faith in Him that HE is a God full of love and wants you to do all things for the glory of His name, gives us peace. 

Isn't it funny how God works. Through this time of stress and being scared, He is my loving Heavenly Father that no matter what I go into its part of His plan for me.

:: Its having faith

:: life is no nightmare when you have light of Christ is a field of darkness 

so YES I am still confused, but I will power through this season. I can do it, cause November is suppose to be the best!!

Funny moment with this photo, I look dark and down going through the mall (thanks mac for pounding lipstick on me) and it was not intentional, haha irony at its finest!

one day Im going to look back on this post and just giggle through the teenage problems

OH WAIT IM 20

weird...